Hello again....
It's been so long since I've written I'm not even sure if there is anyone out there that will read this! Well I'm back! I've decided to dedicate more time to my writing.
A month ago I started a new job - off the farm. It wasn't an easy decision - one I struggled and fought with for months. I had really loved being on the farm and working along side my husband. After the last four years I finally got to a place where I felt like I was valuable on the farm. I've learned alot over the last few years - not only about farming but about myself. I'm not the same person. I didn't know I was capable of doing half as much as I did. It's amazing what you can learn when you are thrown into something. I'm really not trying to toot my own horn - I'm thankful for a great husband who taught me so much. Spring will be different this year, but we will get through it.
I've also been doing alot of reading and studying. It's funny to look back at your life and see where you were at and what your faith walk looked like. The things that I used to think were so important are really not or even trivial. I've learned that there will ALWAYS be dirty dishes, dirty laundry and a dirty house. However, my boys will not always be in this house. My boys are now 14, 12 and 10. I've learned to treasure my time with them. Now don't get me wrong - we don't always wear dirty clothes and live in filth. But I've learned that those things don't always take priority over the time I could hang with my boys. We've started giving gifts of time to the boys for their birthdays and Christmas. The time we have shared has been special and priceless. We may not have the fanciest car, clothes, or house, and I'm completely ok with that. Being content with what we have has given me such a peace I can't describe unless you've experienced yourself. There is no more "keeping up with the Jones" in my heart. I'm making room for more important things.
I'm teaching Sunday School and JAM (Jesus and Me - a youth group for kids in 3rd-5th grades) again. And it has been fun. It has really been helping me in my faith walk. The five weeks leading up to Easter our Sunday School class (CREW) had studied the book of James. I had done this study previously with our adult small group. It was good to go over again and learn new things. One of the biggest things that stood out to me was in James 1:2-3 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance." Do you know how many times I have read those verses and thought SERIOUSLY??? You've got to be kidding me. I'm supposed to experience JOY? Well in this study we did Francis Chan explained it like this. He said that when a silversmith is making silver it goes through a process of heating up and all the impurities rise to the surface. Then he scrapes all those impurities off and then starts the process all over again and does it over again and again. Until he finally knows that the silver is pure. And how does he know this? It is when he can look down and see his own reflection. WOW!! So we are the silver and the Lord is the silversmith. Our trials is the fire - "heating us up" to get rid of all those impurities (sin) that we have. Shaping our character into who he wants us to be. Our ultimate goal is that when Jesus looks down at us he sees his own reflection. I will never look at the verse the same nor my trials. That is my goal. I want Jesus to be able to look down at me someday and see his own reflection. But not only Jesus, but people. I want them to know and see that I have Jesus in my heart. Jeremy Camp has a song called Christ in Me. Here are the words to the song:
So come and empty me So that it's you I breatheI want my life to be Only Christ in me So I will fix my eyes'Cause you're my source of life I need the world to seeThat it's Christ in meThat it's Christ in me
Done with what holds me down The things I once was chasing afterThrow off these heavy chains That I have let become my masterSo now I'm running free Into an ocean of mercy unending
Shouldn't that be the goal in all of our lives? Are we too busy chasing after all of the things this world has to offer that we are completely missing out on all of the blessings God has for us? I don't want that anymore. I used to be that way - thinking that if I only had ____, I'd be happy. Or if ____ would just happen. Or if my kids would ____. I was completely missing the point. I've often said and I honestly can't say that it is fact - but I feel like I was so completely off the path God had set for me that he had to do something drastic to get me back. That probably isn't even biblical - but it is how I feel. There was a period of my life when I was very angry with God. I still don't have the answers to all my questions. But that isn't what faith is. God isn't a vending machine God. We don't send up a prayer and God gives us everything we want. Life isn't about what we get but what we give and loving Jesus more every day. Shouldn't that be our goal in life? I know that is what I'm striving for. Right now I'm doing a book/Bible study on trusting God. It has been very challenging yet good for me. I still struggle with some things - life isn't just all sunshine and roses - and I don't have it all figured out but at least now I have the right perspective in mind. And I know with the help of Jesus we can get through anything.
A month ago I started a new job - off the farm. It wasn't an easy decision - one I struggled and fought with for months. I had really loved being on the farm and working along side my husband. After the last four years I finally got to a place where I felt like I was valuable on the farm. I've learned alot over the last few years - not only about farming but about myself. I'm not the same person. I didn't know I was capable of doing half as much as I did. It's amazing what you can learn when you are thrown into something. I'm really not trying to toot my own horn - I'm thankful for a great husband who taught me so much. Spring will be different this year, but we will get through it.
I've also been doing alot of reading and studying. It's funny to look back at your life and see where you were at and what your faith walk looked like. The things that I used to think were so important are really not or even trivial. I've learned that there will ALWAYS be dirty dishes, dirty laundry and a dirty house. However, my boys will not always be in this house. My boys are now 14, 12 and 10. I've learned to treasure my time with them. Now don't get me wrong - we don't always wear dirty clothes and live in filth. But I've learned that those things don't always take priority over the time I could hang with my boys. We've started giving gifts of time to the boys for their birthdays and Christmas. The time we have shared has been special and priceless. We may not have the fanciest car, clothes, or house, and I'm completely ok with that. Being content with what we have has given me such a peace I can't describe unless you've experienced yourself. There is no more "keeping up with the Jones" in my heart. I'm making room for more important things.
I'm teaching Sunday School and JAM (Jesus and Me - a youth group for kids in 3rd-5th grades) again. And it has been fun. It has really been helping me in my faith walk. The five weeks leading up to Easter our Sunday School class (CREW) had studied the book of James. I had done this study previously with our adult small group. It was good to go over again and learn new things. One of the biggest things that stood out to me was in James 1:2-3 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance." Do you know how many times I have read those verses and thought SERIOUSLY??? You've got to be kidding me. I'm supposed to experience JOY? Well in this study we did Francis Chan explained it like this. He said that when a silversmith is making silver it goes through a process of heating up and all the impurities rise to the surface. Then he scrapes all those impurities off and then starts the process all over again and does it over again and again. Until he finally knows that the silver is pure. And how does he know this? It is when he can look down and see his own reflection. WOW!! So we are the silver and the Lord is the silversmith. Our trials is the fire - "heating us up" to get rid of all those impurities (sin) that we have. Shaping our character into who he wants us to be. Our ultimate goal is that when Jesus looks down at us he sees his own reflection. I will never look at the verse the same nor my trials. That is my goal. I want Jesus to be able to look down at me someday and see his own reflection. But not only Jesus, but people. I want them to know and see that I have Jesus in my heart. Jeremy Camp has a song called Christ in Me. Here are the words to the song:
In this obsession withThe things this world says make us happyCan't see the slaves we are In all the searching all the graspingLike we deserve much more Than all these blessing we're holdingSo now I'm running free Into an ocean of mercy unending
So come and empty me So that it's you I breatheI want my life to be Only Christ in me So I will fix my eyes'Cause you're my source of life I need the world to seeThat it's Christ in meThat it's Christ in me
Done with what holds me down The things I once was chasing afterThrow off these heavy chains That I have let become my masterSo now I'm running free Into an ocean of mercy unending
Shouldn't that be the goal in all of our lives? Are we too busy chasing after all of the things this world has to offer that we are completely missing out on all of the blessings God has for us? I don't want that anymore. I used to be that way - thinking that if I only had ____, I'd be happy. Or if ____ would just happen. Or if my kids would ____. I was completely missing the point. I've often said and I honestly can't say that it is fact - but I feel like I was so completely off the path God had set for me that he had to do something drastic to get me back. That probably isn't even biblical - but it is how I feel. There was a period of my life when I was very angry with God. I still don't have the answers to all my questions. But that isn't what faith is. God isn't a vending machine God. We don't send up a prayer and God gives us everything we want. Life isn't about what we get but what we give and loving Jesus more every day. Shouldn't that be our goal in life? I know that is what I'm striving for. Right now I'm doing a book/Bible study on trusting God. It has been very challenging yet good for me. I still struggle with some things - life isn't just all sunshine and roses - and I don't have it all figured out but at least now I have the right perspective in mind. And I know with the help of Jesus we can get through anything.
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