Set back
Ever feel like you are finally doing what God called you to do only to get knocked down and begin to question was I really obeying God or doing what I wanted to do all along? That has been me for the last month. Over the last couple of years I had really been struggling with my writing. I enjoyed writing but felt like I was repeating the same thing over and over - like I was some kind of broken record. My goal in writing was to encourage and inspire people with their faith walk. I didn't want it to be something that people went to read and found out what the Goemaat clan was up to. Well it was as if I had lost that - so I stopped writing. Then I was scrolling through Instagram one day and came along the post from Jennie Allen (founder of the IF Gathering). She writes:
My first blog was called:
Untangling God and Ponytails
(And had 10 followers)
My first Bible study (Stuck) was originally called:
God and your Emotions (and had clip art flowers on it)
Just start. Do it cheesy. Do it messy.
Just do what you are built to do and have fun growing up in it!
Praise God we don't have to be awesome - only obedient. Do what you love! And you will grow as you go. And not everything has to be branded perfectly - it just needs to be helpful.
I read that post and was SO encouraged and inspired that I decided I needed to start writing again. My favorite part of what she said was "you don't have to be awesome - only obedient." I LOVE that. Not sure about any of you but I'm the type of person that if I can't do something well or great I'm just not going to do it! But that isn't what God requires or expects out of us. He only expects us to be obedient. And as easy as that sounds I struggle with that. I often feel like I'm not equipped to do what God asks of me. Or I struggle with the unknowns of the future if I follow God's will for my life. However, after reading that post I decided I was going to start. I'm going to be obedient to God's calling for my life. That I would listen more to the whisper of God's voice. So I started writing. I found that God had laid SO many things on my heart to share with others. I was feeling like the spark inside me had not gone out and was now beginning to grow even bigger. That was until about a month ago.
Something happened that distinguished that fire burning inside of me. It made me shut down and begin to question maybe I wasn't good enough and I didn't know what I was doing. That maybe I wasn't doing God's will for my life- that I had just been selfish and was following my own desires. How could I encourage others in their faith walk if I myself didn't have my own walk figured out. I was experiencing a hurt so bad I began to question my character and who I really was. And all of a sudden that confidence I had was gone and my insecurities were exposed for all to see. Why do I do that- let one thing if not ruin me at least set me back for a period of time. And at different times I've allowed that to set me back minutes, days, weeks and even years. And I find myself not perusing God's will and sitting back coasting through life like some kind of robot - doing the same thing every day.
Everything within me didn't want to stay in this kind of funk. I didn't like the person I was and desperately wanted to have that fire burning inside of me again. I just didn't know how to get back there. In church we had been studying the holy spirit - not easy stuff. But there were things in the sermons that Pastor Jon and Pastor Mike talked about that really made me think.
1. We need to be undone and give the spirit everything - SURRENDER. We need to get out of the way so that the spirit can live in us. That was my first mistake - I was getting in the way of God to move in my life. I was not surrendering everything - I was holding on to things that needed to be let go of. I needed God to be in control of my life - not me!
2. In order for the spirit to move it will cost you something and obedience will cost you being you. I do believe this is true. I have said over and over again that TJ's journey changed me - I am not the same person I used to be. And I honestly I'm ok with that. The lessons I have learned haven't been easy, but I do believe they have made me more of who God had intended me to be all along.
3. When you are filled with the spirit the evil/darkness will cringe when they see you. It dawned on me that when I was following God's will for my life the enemy couldn't stand it. He was doing everything he could to make me feel like I was nothing, to give up and stop writing. And he had succeeded. I had let those harsh words resonate in my life and couldn't hear the Holy Spirit encouraging and lifting me up. I was believing the lies of the enemy and not the truth of Jesus.
4. When God calls us to go do we hesitate? This one left me feeling heartbroken. Unfortunately I do hesitate. I find myself being cautious. I try to seek out all the answers to my questions. I attempt to play out every possible scenario on how it will affect our life if we were to do what God has asked us to do. I haven't always trusted God - I haven't had the faith to "get out of the boat."
5. Am I listening to the Spirit? Am I paying attention? Do I need to let go of something to follow the spirit? What's holding me back from experiencing the spirit? These are not easy questions to answer. They take a lot of time to reflect on. However I decided that I needed to surround myself with people or things that would uplift me and encourage me on my faith walk and to try to avoid those things that which leave me feeling depleted or sucked dry. That's not an easy thing.
I had left church over the course of those weeks feeling so encouraged and inspired again. It was just what I needed to hear for that spark to ignite again. So I had a little setback but that's ok. What God taught me during that time was valuable and what I need to hear. So now I want to encourage you. Are you listening to the spirit? If not, why? What is keeping you from living in the center of God's will? What are some things that you need to let go of to follow the spirit? Is it friendships? Social media? Is it the sin in your life that you keep holding onto? Do you hesitate when God calls you to go? If so, why?
Let's get out of the way so the spirit can move in us!! It will be the ride of a lifetime - one you will never regret!
My first blog was called:
Untangling God and Ponytails
(And had 10 followers)
My first Bible study (Stuck) was originally called:
God and your Emotions (and had clip art flowers on it)
Just start. Do it cheesy. Do it messy.
Just do what you are built to do and have fun growing up in it!
Praise God we don't have to be awesome - only obedient. Do what you love! And you will grow as you go. And not everything has to be branded perfectly - it just needs to be helpful.
I read that post and was SO encouraged and inspired that I decided I needed to start writing again. My favorite part of what she said was "you don't have to be awesome - only obedient." I LOVE that. Not sure about any of you but I'm the type of person that if I can't do something well or great I'm just not going to do it! But that isn't what God requires or expects out of us. He only expects us to be obedient. And as easy as that sounds I struggle with that. I often feel like I'm not equipped to do what God asks of me. Or I struggle with the unknowns of the future if I follow God's will for my life. However, after reading that post I decided I was going to start. I'm going to be obedient to God's calling for my life. That I would listen more to the whisper of God's voice. So I started writing. I found that God had laid SO many things on my heart to share with others. I was feeling like the spark inside me had not gone out and was now beginning to grow even bigger. That was until about a month ago.
Something happened that distinguished that fire burning inside of me. It made me shut down and begin to question maybe I wasn't good enough and I didn't know what I was doing. That maybe I wasn't doing God's will for my life- that I had just been selfish and was following my own desires. How could I encourage others in their faith walk if I myself didn't have my own walk figured out. I was experiencing a hurt so bad I began to question my character and who I really was. And all of a sudden that confidence I had was gone and my insecurities were exposed for all to see. Why do I do that- let one thing if not ruin me at least set me back for a period of time. And at different times I've allowed that to set me back minutes, days, weeks and even years. And I find myself not perusing God's will and sitting back coasting through life like some kind of robot - doing the same thing every day.
Everything within me didn't want to stay in this kind of funk. I didn't like the person I was and desperately wanted to have that fire burning inside of me again. I just didn't know how to get back there. In church we had been studying the holy spirit - not easy stuff. But there were things in the sermons that Pastor Jon and Pastor Mike talked about that really made me think.
1. We need to be undone and give the spirit everything - SURRENDER. We need to get out of the way so that the spirit can live in us. That was my first mistake - I was getting in the way of God to move in my life. I was not surrendering everything - I was holding on to things that needed to be let go of. I needed God to be in control of my life - not me!
2. In order for the spirit to move it will cost you something and obedience will cost you being you. I do believe this is true. I have said over and over again that TJ's journey changed me - I am not the same person I used to be. And I honestly I'm ok with that. The lessons I have learned haven't been easy, but I do believe they have made me more of who God had intended me to be all along.
3. When you are filled with the spirit the evil/darkness will cringe when they see you. It dawned on me that when I was following God's will for my life the enemy couldn't stand it. He was doing everything he could to make me feel like I was nothing, to give up and stop writing. And he had succeeded. I had let those harsh words resonate in my life and couldn't hear the Holy Spirit encouraging and lifting me up. I was believing the lies of the enemy and not the truth of Jesus.
4. When God calls us to go do we hesitate? This one left me feeling heartbroken. Unfortunately I do hesitate. I find myself being cautious. I try to seek out all the answers to my questions. I attempt to play out every possible scenario on how it will affect our life if we were to do what God has asked us to do. I haven't always trusted God - I haven't had the faith to "get out of the boat."
5. Am I listening to the Spirit? Am I paying attention? Do I need to let go of something to follow the spirit? What's holding me back from experiencing the spirit? These are not easy questions to answer. They take a lot of time to reflect on. However I decided that I needed to surround myself with people or things that would uplift me and encourage me on my faith walk and to try to avoid those things that which leave me feeling depleted or sucked dry. That's not an easy thing.
I had left church over the course of those weeks feeling so encouraged and inspired again. It was just what I needed to hear for that spark to ignite again. So I had a little setback but that's ok. What God taught me during that time was valuable and what I need to hear. So now I want to encourage you. Are you listening to the spirit? If not, why? What is keeping you from living in the center of God's will? What are some things that you need to let go of to follow the spirit? Is it friendships? Social media? Is it the sin in your life that you keep holding onto? Do you hesitate when God calls you to go? If so, why?
Let's get out of the way so the spirit can move in us!! It will be the ride of a lifetime - one you will never regret!
Boy did you move beyond the setback in a big way! I’m so glad you stepped out and went to She Speaks. Talking with you made it a richer time for me. I’m sure many hurting hearts will experience healing as they read what you share.
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