Trusting in the Struggles

So, it's never been a secret that I have struggled with trusting God since TJ's death (He's still teaching me).  I   In fact I had a friend ask me when I was little if I was the kid that always asked the question "why?"  I honestly didn't know, so I asked my mom.  My mom told me that as a kid I was very trusting of everyone.  Whatever anyone told me I believed it as truth.  Which makes sense why I always thought what my big sister said was fact.  Quick story.....

In the 4th grade I remember the teacher asking if any of us knew why we had the hair in our noses?  Oh boy! I knew the answer to that.  I raised my hand high in the air.  I was hoping that I'd actually get picked this time, but no, the smart boy in the class got chosen AGAIN!  His response was to keep the dirt from coming in.  I was laughing - inside my head of course - I didn't want to get in trouble.  I couldn't believe that I knew the answer and the smart kid didn't.  You see my big sister had just told me a few nights before that the hair in our nose was to keep the boogers from falling out.  I couldn't wait for the teacher's to tell him he was wrong!  Well, the teacher quickly responded with - that's correct!  I thought WHAT???  But my sister said.... I couldn't believe that she....lied to me. 

So, I asked my mom if I was such a trusting soul when I was younger - what happened?  She told me that up until TJ's death life had been pretty good for me - that I really hadn't had any major events in my life that didn't turn out the way I had hoped.  Except for maybe my surgery in 2007 - but in the end turned out ok and a trial in my life that I would consider a blessing (that's a whole other post).  

The first two years after TJ died were really dark years for me.  I struggled with prayer, church and reading my Bible.  All those verses that used to bring me such comfort seemed to be mocking me.  They didn't bring me such comfort anymore - so I couldn't even open my Bible to read it.  And I thought why pray - God's going to do what he wants to do anyway.  It doesn't really matter what I have to say.  And church was even more of a struggle for several reasons.  I was struggling really bad in my faith walk - even to the point I thought is it even worth it? My spiritual life that had once been a fire flaming was just embers trying to continue to burn.  Was it worth it to continue to believe? It was just so hard to understand.  How is this God's best for us?  However, I knew that if I completely walked away I would never see TJ ever again.  So, I guess my reasons were more selfish for pursuing my faith walk - but it was enough to keep going.  

I had shared all of that with a dear friend - one who has been struggling too with some of those same  questions.  She shared with me the devotions she had been reading that brought her some comfort and I wanted to share that devotion with any of you who might be struggling and wondering is believing and following Jesus really worth it?

John 6:66-69 says, "From this time many of his disciples turned away and no longer followed him.  Then Jesus turned to the Twelve and asked, "Are you also going to leave?"  Simon Peter replied, "Lord, to whom would we go? You have the words that give eternal life.  We have come to believe and to know that you are the Holy One of God."  

The footnote in her Bible said Why did Jesus' words cause many of his followers to desert him?
          1) They may have realized that he wasn't going to be the conquering Messiah-King they expected
                      (when has Jesus not met our expectations or didn't do what we wanted him to do?)
          2) He refused to give in to their self-centered requests 
                       (we pray what we think is best for us)
          3) He emphasized faith not deeds                                                                                                                                           (can we trust His words? can we allow him to take us deeper in faith, can we somehow find the                                     courage to walk on the water in the storm when he says come)
          4) His teachings were difficult to understand, and some of his words were offensive. 
                   (Jesus offers eternal life but He requires acceptance of himself as Savior and Lord. This means His 
                        agenda must become his follower's agenda, and that is unacceptable to many would-be disciples)

As we grow in our faith, we may be tempted to turn away because Jesus' lessons are difficult.  Will your response be to give up, ignore certain teachings, or reject Christ?  INSTEAD ..... Ask God to show you what the teachings mean and how they apply to your life.  Then have the courage to act on God's truth.  

There is NO middle ground with Jesus... we either accept or reject Jesus. The more the people heard Jesus' real message, the more they divided into two camps-  the honest seekers who wanted to understand more, and those who rejected Jesus because they didn't like what they had heard. 

After many of Jesus' followers had deserted him, he asked the 12 disciples if they were also going to leave.  Peter replied, "To whom would we go?"  In his straightforward way, Peter answered for all of us- there is no other way.  Though there are many philosophies and self-styled authorities, Jesus alone has the words of eternal life.  People look everywhere for eternal life and miss Christ, the only source.  STAY WITH HIM, especially if you are confused or feel alone. 

Beth Moore said " If you pray that God will move a mountain and he doesn't, assume Christ wants you to climb it instead and see him transfigured.

I LOVE that!  We all have mountains in our life.  And if you can't see that God is moving - start climbing, because I when you get to the top it will be so worth it.  I don't want to have "proof" to believe.  I'm choosing to believe even when I cannot see and that is hard.  But I'm going to keep digging  and pursuing because in the end - it's worth it!

Father God,
Please don't let me be the kind of person to whom You can say, "Unless you see miraculous signs and wonders, you will never believe"  (John 4:48). Help me to respond to Your Son according to Your Word:  "I believe and know that You are the Holy One of God"  (John 6:69). You told Thomas to stop doubting and to believe (John 20:27) - help me to do the same.  Lord, I cannot see your visible hands, but if I'm willing to really look, I can see the visible evidences of Your invisible hands.  Help me to stop being stubborn, refusing to believe, when I do this I'm saying bad things about Your way.  (Acts 19:9).  Help me to relentlessly pursue you no matter what the situation.  Give me the strength to keep going and to know that in the end it will be so worth it.            Amen



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