Trash and Treasures!

So I've been inspired lately by some blogs I read to declutter my house.  And to be quite truthful I was getting tired of all the piles and messes everywhere.  It's been a SLOW process but I've been trying to tackle one room a week.  I figure one room a day is setting me up for failure.  Also, it seems our schedule doesn't allow for me to do one room a day - I just don't have a whole entire day at home anymore it seems.  So for the last week I've been working on the kitchen.  I started with the pantry.  It seemed like I was running out of room to put food away and other things I have in our pantry.  I've reorganized it and threw out a lot of unneeded things.  I really wish I would have taken pictures of all what I've done - you would have been impressed - I know I was!!  Next I worked on four cupboards and two drawers.  These are between my fridge and pantry and seem to just be a catchall.  One cupboard is designated just for the boys "craft" items - play dough, crayons, markers, coloring books, colors, paper, etc.  Another has all of my fine china, candle stick holders, wine glasses, etc. we received as wedding gifts.  Another was a catchall for a bunch of odds and end type things.  And the last one - which I almost don't want to share - housed all the boys papers from school.  When the boys would come home from school I would go through their papers and then put them into this cupboard.  Well, the last time I cleaned this cupboard out I told myself I was only going to put in there the papers I wanted to keep.  This way when it got full - I could take them out and put them into a Rubbermaid container.  Well.....I must not have listened to myself because there were A LOT of papers I threw out.  I was also shocked when I found things in there from when TJ was in 2nd grade.  I know - it was bad!!!  I seriously thought it had not been that long ago.  By the time I had all four cupboards and two drawers done I think I had five garbage bags full of things to go to the dumpster!  I'm beginning to think I'm on the verge of being a hoarder.  That's scary.  It was fun to go through all those papers.  I found old journal entries TJ had made and had to laugh at quite a few of them.  I kept every one of them.  In fact I kept about almost every paper where he wrote any kind of story.  I found myself wanting to keep it all.  I did throw away his spelling and math papers.  Well when I was going through all the papers (of all four boys) I ran across a certain item that got my attention.  It was a piece of paper (you know the kind that is on a huge roll and it's usually brown) that had been ripped.  It had TJ's writing.  I couldn't quite figure out where this came from until I ran across a similar one written by Anthony.  Then it dawned on my - this came from church camp (his last one).  Here is what I found:

 

 

In case you can't read it, it says, "Dear Lord, Sometimes I might get mad or frustrated.  But I want you to know I will always follow (misspelled) you! Love TJ"

 

It was just what I needed.  I honestly had been struggling A LOT with my walk with God.  I had been very angry and mad at Him and had MANY unanswered questions.  There were times I wanted to turn my back and run in the complete opposite direction from God.  Then a couple of weeks ago we went to church with some dear friends of ours.  The service started out with the song 10,000 reasons - which always makes me emotional.  The pastor talked about repenting.  And to be quite honest with you I don't remember the exact words he said but it made an impact on me.  At the end of the service we had several different options to repent - wash our hands, take communion, sit in our chair and pray or write it down and leave it at the cross.  I sat in my chair and prayed and cried, but felt this huge nudge to take it to the cross, but I couldn't do it.  I sat there for the longest time.  Then I did it.  I went up onto the stage, grabbed a paper and pen and kneeled at the foot of the cross.  I wrote everything I had been feeling towards God and asked him to forgive me for hating Him and being so mad at Him.  And then I left it at the foot of the cross.  This was the beginning of my turning around.  I have finally been able to open my Bible and read it again.  I've been able to listen to Christian radio again.  Believe me the steps are small but I'm making strides in the right direction to get back on track again.  I still have MANY unanswered questions that I may NEVER have answered in my lifetime, but I've got to learn to trust Him again and to believe He has a plan for me (one I may not see or completely understand at the moment).  So when I found this paper that TJ had written it was EXACTLY what I needed.  If my 10 year old son can say and do it, then so can I!!!  I honestly feel like I am learning more from him than he ever learned from me in his lifetime.  The wisdom he had at such a young age is still uncomprehendable to me.  

So, as much as I was dreading cleaning, purging and organizing cupboards I really found a true treasure.  I now have this piece of paper in my office to look at every day!  Now I'm anxious to see what other treasures I may find as I tackle another room week by week.