Experiencing a New Normal

Above is a picture of a blanket.  But it is no ordinary blanket.  This was a gift to TJ from his fourth grade class when we was sick.  If I remember correctly they all worked together to make it.  And it was his teacher - Mrs. Padgett that delivered it to him while he was still in the hospital (the first time).  This blanket became a comfort to TJ.  He covered up with it all the time.  In fact the last day we traveled to Iowa City for radiation we brought it along with us.  He used it in the hospital and we brought it along to the Hospice House.  He was always wrapped up in this blanket. (I even have a picture of him covered up in this blanket) I remember the first day home after TJ passed away.  I couldn't sleep that night.  I had been used to sleeping next to TJ for the last six weeks - I didn't know what to do.  So, I went and got this blanket.  I snuggled with it and held it tight as if it were TJ himself....

So Becky (the photographer who took our family pictures) text me yesterday to tell me my sneak peak was on her blog.  She also told me that we will have 30+ pictures to view and pick from sometime next week.  For those of you who know me well know that I can't make a decision if my life depended on it - so this is going to be hard.  Go to http://www.beckyochsnerphotography.com/ and check them out!  Once you go to her site - click on BLOG (on the left side) and we are the Family session - New Sharon, IA.  Enjoy!

I find myself in a place I have never been before.  In fact, I'm trying to figure out where IS my place?  Where do I belong now?  Who am I?  I am completely broken.  I have often heard speakers and people say, "it was when I was broken that..."  And now that is where I am.  Everything that used to be comfortable, fun, easy and even enjoyable - I find now leave me anxious, scared and utterly alone.  I find myself clinging to Jon and completely lost without him.  I will be honest - this is NOT a fun place to be.  And I am trying my hardest to get out of this place.  It is in this place that I have realized more than ever my need for the Lord.  I have found that I want to really know who He is and not just who I think/thought He was.  I will admit this isn't easy.  When I go to His Word, I struggle even more.  You see, I have forgotten who He is and what He has done for me before TJ's journey.  I can'...

Saturday night we did our first professional family picture since TJ has been gone.  It wasn't easy, but Becky did some things to help make it special.  I was so impressed with her.  One of the things I love most, is that all of our pictures were taken at our place!   We are still waiting to see all the rest of her amazing work, but until then, here is a sneak peek.

I can't believe I just typed that number - 6!  Yesterday was (my baby) Charlie's sixth birthday.  I remember the day he was born as if it were yesterday.  I also remember thinking - we are crazy - we have four kids all under the age of six!!  But I wouldn't trade it for the world.  I am so glad God blessed us with Charlie.  I do believe He knew what our family was going to be going through and knew we would need someone in our family just like Charlie!!  His smile and laugh are contagious.  He amazes me with how fast he catches on to things - whether it is from school, sports or on the farm.  His humor and the way he entertains all of us remind me so much of his big brother TJ.  His love for sports - is like Anthony.  And the helper in him is like Will.  I LOVE how he will hold my hand and give me hugs and kisses (it's not embarrassing yet)!  The way he knows no stranger - terrifies me and reminds ...

This past weekend Jon and I, along with four other couples left for Minnesota.  You see Hay Days was going on.  Hay Days? you might ask, what is that?  Well the best I can describe it - it is a huge snowmobile thing!  Yep, that's my best description!  I believe they have anything and everything snowmobile you could think of there.  I even think they run/race/ride them.  I guess I should have asked Jon of a more detailed description!  Anyway, last year the boys went and this year they invited the wives to come along!  However, us girls didn't go to Hay Days - we went shopping at the Mall of America!  We left Friday morning after all of our kids were in school and dropped off at sitters.  We stopped along the way up at an outlet mall and Cabela's and finally arrived at our Hotel late afternoon.  Before supper the boys did a little go-karting and then it was off to Buffalo Wild Wings!  After supper we headed to...

  Anthony's new look!     Yes, he is our third child to get glasses in just a little over a year and a half.  I had noticed this summer that he started blinking weird, but didn't take him in to the eye dr.  We already had our yearly appointments made and thought he could probably wait.  Well, now I feel bad - his vision had changed by five times where it was last year.  The dr. also told me it was half of my prescription - which mine is not good!  We just got them yesterday, so he is still adjusting.  I'll be anxious to see how he got along at recess and p.e. (his favorite things at school)!  I'm hoping that Will won't need to get them again and Charlie never have to, but who am I kidding - it's just a matter of time - it's in their genes!

I know what you're thinking with a title like that.....first big family vacation?  Didn't you guys just go to Florida last Christmas?  Yes you are correct.  However, this would be the first family vacation we have done with my side of the family - all 19 of us!!  This past weekend my parents, sisters and their families and my family all traveled to Omaha, Nebraska!  We have talked about doing something like this - but had never gotten it done.  After loosing TJ - I have realized now more than ever, how important family is and decided we needed to put our talk into action.  So our Labor Day weekend vacation was planned.  Since we have kids in three different schools now - we all decided we were on our own for Friday.  With the hot weather our boys got out early (1:00), so Jon and I picked them up from school and left from there.  We arrived in time to hang out at the water park.  We stayed at the Ramada with Coco Key Water ...