Until We are Together Again!
I've been struggling with the right words to say and the ambition to write about this, but feel it is necessary. On March 20, my father in law went home to be with Jesus. It has now been twelve days since his passing and I still can't believe it's real. In fact, today I was in his shop helping Jon and I was overcome with emotion. I should rewind just a bit. They brought Don home from the hospital two weeks ago yesterday. He wasn't home long when they knew it wasn't going to work - so they transferred him to the Serenity House (the same place we took TJ). And believe it or not it was exactly almost two years to the date (just shy one day) we took TJ there! I'm not going to lie - I had mixed emotions about being back in that place. Yes, it was a little hard to step back in there. Yet at the same time it was like I was going back home after a long vacation. Thankfully they put Don in a different room on the other side of the house - which helped me. But you know what - it wasn't about me or how I felt - it was about my father in law and what he needed. And I felt like he was exactly where he needed to be.
I was fortunate enough to be able to spend quite a bit of time there - in fact I even had a little one on one time with Don. I can't exactly remember why I was left in the room alone with Don - but I decided to take advantage of the time I had with him. He was heavily medicated and not responsive, but I knew he would be able to hear me and that's all that mattered. I put my hand on his shoulder and told him that when he got to Heaven to take care of TJ for me. And if he could (once he got there) give me a little sign that TJ was ok and that everything was alright up there. Well two days in a row after Don went home to be with Jesus, every time I turned on the radio - a David Crowder song would be playing! I took that as my sign. You might be wondering why - well David Crowder was one of TJ's favorite Christian singers. I was immediately comforted and had an overwhelming sense of peace. You see after TJ went home to be with Jesus - anytime certain songs would come on the radio - I would quickly shut it off - partly because it was too hard and partly because I didn't want to deal with that emotion at the time. But now after having that little talk - I think of it a little differently now and am able to listen to the song without becoming a complete train wreck (just a smaller wreck)!!!
There is a part of me that is comforted knowing that TJ and his Grandpa are together again. Yet there is this other big part of me that will greatly miss my father in law. He was a kind, funny, hard working, patient, dependable, loving man. I will always remember that chuckle of his he made every time he laughed. I will also be forever grateful to him for all he taught my husband - not just about how to work, but how to love the Lord, serve Him daily and to be a great husband and father. All three of the boys wanted to say something at the service. Jon and I were so proud of them for having the courage to get up and talk. Anthony (being Anthony) had to give his top 5 memories of Grandpa - ranging from his grilled hot dogs to his phone going off in church. Will talked about the nicknames they gave each other - "Will the Pill" and "Donald Duck." And Charlie talked about his yummy waffles and marrying his very good Grandma! They all shared fond memories of playing Wahoo with Grandpa and riding in his International tractors and combine. And they all talked about his love for Christ and how we will see him (their Grandpa) again someday in Heaven!
The days ahead aren't going to be easy - we've walked this road before - not all that long ago. I'd say we are still on the same road just returning to the beginning of the journey once again. So I ask that you please continue to keep the whole family in your prayers. I know we can feel them and can definitely still use them.
I was fortunate enough to be able to spend quite a bit of time there - in fact I even had a little one on one time with Don. I can't exactly remember why I was left in the room alone with Don - but I decided to take advantage of the time I had with him. He was heavily medicated and not responsive, but I knew he would be able to hear me and that's all that mattered. I put my hand on his shoulder and told him that when he got to Heaven to take care of TJ for me. And if he could (once he got there) give me a little sign that TJ was ok and that everything was alright up there. Well two days in a row after Don went home to be with Jesus, every time I turned on the radio - a David Crowder song would be playing! I took that as my sign. You might be wondering why - well David Crowder was one of TJ's favorite Christian singers. I was immediately comforted and had an overwhelming sense of peace. You see after TJ went home to be with Jesus - anytime certain songs would come on the radio - I would quickly shut it off - partly because it was too hard and partly because I didn't want to deal with that emotion at the time. But now after having that little talk - I think of it a little differently now and am able to listen to the song without becoming a complete train wreck (just a smaller wreck)!!!
There is a part of me that is comforted knowing that TJ and his Grandpa are together again. Yet there is this other big part of me that will greatly miss my father in law. He was a kind, funny, hard working, patient, dependable, loving man. I will always remember that chuckle of his he made every time he laughed. I will also be forever grateful to him for all he taught my husband - not just about how to work, but how to love the Lord, serve Him daily and to be a great husband and father. All three of the boys wanted to say something at the service. Jon and I were so proud of them for having the courage to get up and talk. Anthony (being Anthony) had to give his top 5 memories of Grandpa - ranging from his grilled hot dogs to his phone going off in church. Will talked about the nicknames they gave each other - "Will the Pill" and "Donald Duck." And Charlie talked about his yummy waffles and marrying his very good Grandma! They all shared fond memories of playing Wahoo with Grandpa and riding in his International tractors and combine. And they all talked about his love for Christ and how we will see him (their Grandpa) again someday in Heaven!
The days ahead aren't going to be easy - we've walked this road before - not all that long ago. I'd say we are still on the same road just returning to the beginning of the journey once again. So I ask that you please continue to keep the whole family in your prayers. I know we can feel them and can definitely still use them.
YOU are one incredible young woman...I love you.
ReplyDeleteBeautifully said, Tami. Can't begin to imagine how you're feeling. We're still praying for you all. Tate prayed for our meal last night and asked God to "help TJ's family feel better" again. And every time the song "This is not where I belong" comes on, all the kids still yell, "It's TJ's song! Turn it up!" Our kids didn't even really know TJ that well, but he still made a huge impact on them.
ReplyDeleteYou all are in our thoughts and prayers!
ReplyDelete